As we conclude the Series on Agape today. I will like to challenge us
Eccl 7:13 – 14. (The Living Bible) See the way God does things and fall into line. Don’t fight the facts of nature. Who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity whenever you can, and when hard times strike, realize that God gives one as well as the other-so that everyone will realize that nothing is certain in this life.
Eccl 7:13-14 (Easy-to-Read Version) Look at what God has made. You cannot change a thing, even if you think it is wrong. When life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, remember that God gives us good times and hard times. And no one knows what will happen in the future.
Ephesians 1:6 (NKJV) To the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
A great prayer is written by an American Theologian named Reinhold Niebuhr.
“God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can and WISDOM to know the difference”
What is SERENITY? Serenity is the state (feeling) of being calm, peaceful and untroubled.
What is COURAGE? Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one bravery. It is strength in the face of pain.
What is WISDOM? Wisdom is the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgment; the quality of being wise. The fact of being based on sensible or wise thinking.
God has not given us control over everything and everybody, He rules in the affairs of Men. Daniel 4:17 There are things we can do nothing about. We set ourselves up for frustration when we try to control things that God has not places in our power of control. There are things I can not change. But there are also things I can change, what I need is courage to change them. God will never do for you what is in your power to change. We need wisdom to be able to discern the difference in things that we can change and things we cannot change. This is the crux of our discussion today.
People change after Marrying. People don’t change much after they get married in terms of their nature, personality, temperament, strength and weaknesses. Yes, we can improve! But the core nature will not change. Many who make the assertions that my husband has changed or wife has changed were incorrect; this signs were there in the beginning. But we were blindfolded by the chemistry of Love. Interestingly, our dream husband or wife mental pictures were fulfilled as at the time we met before married. You know why? In our subconscious mind, we have super imposed those dreams on the identity of the new found love. It blocks our view of their weaknesses.
- If you insist of your wife or husband changing before you express LOVE to them in its fullness to them. You have only signed yourself up for frustration. You will continue to remain unhappy for the rest of your life. Most of us are caught in this web of ignorance.
- When we don’t love or accept a person, the way they are; the message we communicate is REJECTION. When a person feels rejected they are bitter and hurting.
- If you succeed to change your spouse in the long run, you will have altered the very good qualities (the core essence) that attracted you to them will have been lost. At the end we would be unhappy.
- You will agree with me that Happiness is sure, when you are allowed to be yourself. Given some measure of freedom. A good relationship will attain the height of agape love (sacrifice, commitment and responsibility), when we allow ours of these differences.
Let’s consider a few differences researchers have helped us identify about relationships; as we glean nuggets to expressing Agape in all our relationships.
- Accept each other’s Gender.
Accept that you are married to a Man or accept that your spouse is a female. Listen the only correct Marriage Relationship is between a Man and a Woman. Accept the Masculinity or Femininity of your spouse.
I Peter 3:7 (NIV) Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
- Accept that your wife is a woman and allow her to be a woman. She will love to expressive herself in words a lot thus requires all others to do same with her. They always unleash verbal weapons; just understand her. Try and enjoy or endure it.
- Accept that her process or pattern of thoughts, mode of communication differs; allow it. We are Men think; logically. Women think emotionally, intuitively.
A man will process thoughts before talking but for a Woman, she thinks while talking. She even needs to talk to be able to think. So don’t get frustrated about it.
- Accept the fact they will like clothes, shoes and bags. Women clothes expires faster. A woman is a good description of Varieties.
- Accept the fact that your wife will query your love for her. Keep saying I do. We use words to communicate facts as men but Women use words to communicate emotions.
- Accept that it takes them more time to prepare or dress up.
- Accept that she’s not much sexually driven as we are. In few minutes we as men are sexually ready but women are easily fatigued through their emotions. Under the banking rules to enjoy your sexual life; stop getting frustrated over rejection during sexual appeals.
- Men are competitive in nature. Your Man, is likely to like competitive sports (wrestling, football, etc) displays out sometime when driving on the road.
- Appreciate that your Husband has an Ego. Stop hurting it or making him feel small. Rather make him feel like an Hero. Men your ego was not put to show off against women rather its for achieving and reaching your divine purpose.
- Men love Food. Men’s metabolism differ from a woman. Its like an internal war for a Man to tell you as a Wife that He’s hungry.
- Men will withdraw when they are stressed, overwhelmed or under pressure. Its just like the rubber band; it stretches away and later runs. Solving this withdraw timing and discerning it, will be of great gain. Give him his space to make the internal processing; stop feeling he don’t love me – because his not talking to me.
- Accept your Husband; always read their mood, be sensitize to their mood. They are not interested in the details sometimes. Learn to summarize. Men are headliners.
God is the great march maker, so stop comparing. Research more these things! Read books like; Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; Why you act the way you do and many more related topics.
- Accept the temperament of your spouse.
- Accept the physical looks of your spouse. (Your spouse will grow old)
- Accept the weaknesses of your Spouse
The weaknesses of your spouse is part of the deal. Yes! It can be frustrating accepting the weaknesses of our spouses but learn to pray through your relationship with the Holy Spirit.
Spend time praying about your spouse to help increase the capacity to love; Prayer helps us have a better perspective and a consistent view of our spouse, in Jesus name. Amen!!! You were there to complement your spouse, don’t expect them to be like you.